What Am I Doing?

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Romans 7:15, 18b-19

Paul struggled. Paul wanted so badly to follow Jesus, yet he simply could not quit sinning. Paul, of all people, struggled with sin. I look at Paul's life; I see his dramatic transformation. I mean, for Pete's sake, he SAW Jesus, literally. And, Jesus spoke to him loud and clear - "I am Jesus!" I mean, it just can't get any better than that. Jesus called Paul his "chosen instrument to carry [his] name." Paul was chosen! (Acts 9). Paul had a dramatic transformation, left a life of sin, and personally was dubbed a chosen missionary by God. And, yet, he struggled with sin. Paul knew what was right. Paul understood the words and commands of God; yet, he continued to sin and could not stop. I love the verse, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." For some reason, Paul just kept doing what was wrong, even though he wanted to stop. Sound familiar?

Look at your life. Maybe it doesn't seem as glamorous as Paul's. Maybe you haven't written numerous books read by millions of Christ followers everywhere. Maybe you didn't literally see Jesus and audibly hear His voice. Maybe you aren't a missionary. Maybe you don't feel chosen by God. But, you are God's child. And, you also struggle - you attempt to do God's will, yet fall flat on your face every time.

Romans 7 provides encouragement. Even those who daily seek God's will struggle. We are constantly battling our sin nature. And, although it often feels like we never win, the Bible tells us otherwise. We are not alone. We struggle; Paul struggled. But, we need to remember You, however, are controlled not by the sin nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you... But, if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your Spirit is alive because of righteousness. (Romans 8:9, 11). We have an opportunity to serve God. And, if we fail, the Spirit is there and the Spirit helps us in our weakness (Romans 8:26b).

Think about it. If we and Paul were able to simply do good, to do God's will and no struggle was involved. We might just get a little boastful, forget about God and start believing in ourselves. But, the constant battle with sin sends me back on my knees time and time again. The constant battle between right and wrong sent Paul back on his knees again and again. Although we struggle, the battle is won when we continually seek God. In a way, we could say our sin nature pushes us to seek God. We may do what we do not want to do - but at least it sends us to our knees.


"Come all you who are thirsty, come to the waters..." Isaiah 55:1